I think I may be lesbian, gay, bi, trans… I don’t even know? What gender do I like? Who am I? I’m confused about so much? What if I told you that it doesn’t even matter! So what that you may be trying to work it out!? You’re going to be more than okay!
I mean, do straight people have to come out to the world with fear and judgement of being rejected? Questions like “what will mum and dad and the family think”? “My friend’s might judge me”? “Its against my religion, my culture, why am I like this”? “Why am I not normal”?
What is normal?
What if your norm was what felt right for you and that was your truth? What if you just liked and were attracted to the same gender, or both genders? What if gender didn’t even matter and it was all about the energy and the attraction that you felt for another person? Wouldn’t that be something!
I want you to get to a place where you can still be all of yourself? I want you to be totally okay with whatever your sexual preference is. Okay with whichever gender you may be attracted to. What if I said to you that its okay any which way you that you are? Even if you’re confused! What if I said for you to remove the “label” of bi, gay, trans, and just be who you are without categorising yourself even?!
I know that everyone already struggles with sometimes feeling a bit different, a bit unsure of who they are just yet – trust me I’m a grown adult and this is true for us too! You can have these mixed feelings and concerns when you first try on a new way of being – a truer way of identifying with yourself. These feelings can range from excitement, to worry, to grief and fear. It’s all going to be okay though with the right support and understanding of yourself. Most of all its going to be okay just by you accepting yourself and being kind and gentle with yourself. Truth!
Sometimes it’s not all rainbows and unicorns for youth in the LGBTQI community. I get it! I mean, it’s not even like that for adults. Identifying with the LGBTQI community can be a very important milestone for youth in high schools. It’s important to be resilient, and its important to be yourself no matter how much judgement you feel you might face, from yourself or others. Rise above it, turn that fear into courage and just be you, beautiful you.
Here are some things that you can do to help with homophobia:
- Speak up against homophobia, trans phobia, and anti LGBTQI harassment and discrimination. Find that beautiful voice inside you and become a voice for yourself and others. Speak your truth!
- Be accepting and supporting of anyone of your friends or anyone in your circle who decides to “come out”. Understand that this could be difficult
- for them. For some it’s even more difficult than for others. Be there for your mates please! Check in with them to see if they are okay regularly!
- Wear or put up and display LGBTQI friendly stickers, posters etc. A little rainbow never hurt anyone!
- Be mindful of making assumptions about peoples sexual identities and orientations. You just never know what someone is going through. Be kind always.
- Be mindful and speak up against antigay slurs like “that is so gay”, “homo” etc.
- If you witness any anti LGBTQI discrimination or bulling make sure to report this to teachers or the school principal.
- Become a voice for your LGBTQI friends. It can be hard for them sometimes.
- Allow your LGBTQI friends to feel like they too are respected and treated as equals. After all, they are equals!
- Request books and reading material on LGBTQI for your school library that are up to date and with the times. Most people don’t read books anymore – but still!
Parents and Family Members
I cannot stress how important it is for parents and family members to make sure to support their children or their friends who are questioning identifying themselves as LGBTQI or discovering their sexuality. Please be supportive of your children inside the school grounds as well as at home. If there are any issues be available to meet with school teachers and staff to discuss any concerns. Understand that your child needs to know that they are still loved by you and to be reassured of that at a time like this. They need to know that you will always love them no matter what their sexual orientation or gender identification is!
If your child is experiencing discrimination or harassment help your child to have a voice and show them that you support them by helping them file complaints if they need to. Be a voice for your child when they lose their own voice because they feel stuck right now.
As a parent there is so much that you can do to show your support and unconditional acceptance. For example, you could help organise events like celebrations for the LGBTQI community at the school. You could hold your child’s school accountable for their actions that may violate the school districts and national non - discrimination laws. Every state has a set of anti bullying laws and you can educate yourself on what those are. Be there for your child, always reassuring them that you love and accept them and that their sexual preference has nothing to do with loving or accepting of them any less!
If you’ve done any of these things then you are already are great support. That’s a great start! If you haven’t, then now is the best time to start! It’s never too late to show that you care and that are an all accepting human being.
It’s so sad that the bullying of youth who are discovering or challenged by their sexuality are at an increased risk of depression, anxiety, substance misuse, and suicidal ideation. Obviously this can also affect their studies as well. We need to be mindful of these factors and be there for our youth in the LGBTQ community.
Coming out
Please remember that each of you is a unique individual. Coming out can sometimes be a lifelong journey, and for others it may not be! It doesn’t mean anything! Honour yourself and be kind to yourself throughout this time.
Identifying with LGBTQI sometimes means a journey of ongoing understanding, support, acceptance, and sharing of ones sexual orientation with others. There is no wrong or right way of coming out or of being you! There is no wrong or right way of any sexuality. Love is just love! So, please start by first loving and accepting yourself. Love and approve of yourself so much so that other people’s negative opinions wash over you with no meaning attached to them. You are enough, you are so worthy and you are your unique you! Love whichever way that you please.
Nez Erok
Zen Life Counselling
www.zenlifecounselling.com.au
